Regardless how assured we look, most people understand what it’s to feel self-conscious. For some, the feeling is temporary while for others it’s a long-term, disabling condition that includes feeling desperately uneasy in particular scenarios. The fundamental cause is always the same: lack of self-assurance. The symptoms can change from powerful physical responses including palpitations, diarrhoea, illness, panic attacks, butterflies and sweaty palms, to anxiety, flushing and being tongue tied. This is one place where positive thinking won’t work. Telling yourself you feel assured when you don’t won’t quit the uneasy sensations and may make you feel even worse the next time round. The alternative will be to determine how you need to feel and when you wish to feel it, then work it out. First, think about the scenarios you fear most. What do they have in common? Does a particular type of man make you feel uneasy? Then determine how you’d like to act if you are in these scenarios with these folks. Then determine what you’re great at. Be reliable. Then look at what others see – the picture you’re projecting. Is it actually who you’re? It’s really difficult to project something you’re not. People might see through it eventually, if not instantly. Be real and individuals will warm to your truthfulness. Once you feel they enjoy what they see, you can relax, and you won’t feel self-conscious any more. The initial step will be to concentrate outwards.
The Best Way To Concentrate Outwards
■ There are some tried and tested methods to shift the emphasis from your feelings onto what’s going on around you. The first and most important trick would be to learn to listen to others.
You’ll immediately discover yourself so caught up in what folks must say you’ll forget how you’re feeling. If you’re really receptive – which means concentrating on what’s being said instead of analyzing yourself for reasons to go house – folks will react to you.
■ Learn to grin – it automatically relaxes you and others.
■ Learn a relaxation technique and use it before you go into tough situations. Among the greatest is to tense and then discharge each part of the body in turn, going from your toes to your head. Another is to breathe in and out deeply and slowly.
■ Learn the best way to begin a dialogue. Talking about the weather is good. If you’re seeing a soccer match or a TV programme, use it as a starting point. Question the other man’s view. Ask leading questions that need a complete response. If you say “isn’t it hot?”, the brief answer will be yes or no. Ideally, questions should seek views: for example if you say “What do you think of Mel Gibson?”or “What’s your view of simple divorce?” or “How do you spend your weekends?”- you should get favorable responses and can keep the dialogue going.
■ Go into interests and hobbies – you may have something in common. Keep it light and cheerful and don’t moan or be dreary. Individuals don’t enjoy to be sucked into other folks’s issues – at least not on first assembly. If you’re inquired something distressing, strive to be honest. Don’t be obstructed and don’t feel the need to discuss more if there’s a lull in the dialog. Some lulls could be very comfortable if you’re relaxed.
■ Recall, there’s nothing wrong with feeling self-conscious. It’s standard. It’s fairly all right if you’re at a party free of one to speak with, to say something like “I’m scared I get a little nervous on these occasions. Do you?” The other man then has to say, “No”, in which case they’ll speak to show it, or “Yes”, in which case they’ll be happy to have someone to speak to. If you’re at the school gates in a new town, possess up. Pick a friendly face and say, “I’m new here. Are there any great playgroups/football clubs/moms’ groups to join?”. Recall that most folks Need to be accepted and part of a group. And they’ll recognize that demand in others.
■ Eventually, a terrific method to take care of scenarios for which groundwork is hopeless would be to consider the worst that can possibly occur. If you’re giving a address and you lose the thread of what you’re saying, if you’re meeting the Queen and you just dry up when she asks you something, it’s not going to kill you, is it? No one ever really died of humiliation. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Lots of individual failings are rather amusing if you think about them. It’d be a lot better that you laugh later than to go through things again and again until your trust is criticized farther.
That is a sort of shyness that’s so intense it’s crippling and just about prevents ordinary life: it’s called social phobia. Seroxat, belonging to the most up-to-date generation of antidepressants (SSRIs), has been demonstrated to help sufferers significantly. Your physician can prescribe it but as all antidepressants are strong drugs it should be allowed for people that are severely afflicted with shyness.